It's Been Awhile!!!

Well, it goes without saying that I have not been a very consistent blogger...  I hope to remedy that soon.  I feel I have gotten off track a bit in my life and I am trying to realign everything.  After my marriage fell apart, and then the disaster that was Nashville (not to say I did not love the city because I did, but the circumstances were not right) I was feeling a little mixed-up.  So I kinda ran back to the place I was most comfortable, it helped that it was far away from certain situations, my home....  My family is wonderful, every single one of them.  I thank God for them every day.  It was my first time to live on my own and I loved every minute of it.  Then, out of the clear blue sky, I met a wonderful man.  To make the meet-cute story short, he asked to carry my laundry :-) .... and then took 3 days to ask me for a cup of sugar :-(...  soon after we were dating, then very quickly after that we were married :-))))...  I really, really and did I mention really LOVE this man!!!  He is so wonderful, loves me so much, and helps with every little thing I need!!   

Anyway, things are so good right now, and I know that most of the time I wait for the other shoe to drop, but hey I am trying to change a bit.  We are starting our life together, and it is so amazing!  We just moved into our new house in North Little Rock, AR.  It is right across from my mom, but it is still our own. 

So long for now, I will try to post soon!

A Letter to, well everyone....

How do we get past the way we feel?  How do we overcome our pasts, our memories, and most important the lies we tell ourselves?  Lately, I have had to do some serious soul searching.  I realized how much pressure I have put on others, namely Ady.  As a rule, I do not trust easily.  Trust is a risk I am most often not willing to take.  In my experience, everybody leaves you, everybody lets you down; especially the people who are supposed to love and care for you.  It saddens me to think of all of the good people  I have let slip out of my life because I was afraid they would hurt me.  We cannot live out our lives surrounded by a brick wall of solitude because of our pasts.  We must find a way to move past it and live, because, living is not living if you are all alone. 

Like I said, I do not trust easily, and when I feel like someone is going to hurt me, I hurt them first.  Just so I can say; see, I was right, they were no good.  But I realize now that in not trusting anyone, I have been blind to the people I can trust.  A lot of those people are people that have hurt me.  I know, why trust someone who has hurt you?  Simply put, everyone will hurt you if you stick around long enough.  Everybody will let you down at some point.  So, not trusting anyone is not an option.  You have to be able to let people in. 

Take my parents for example.  For a very long time, I had a low opinion of my parents.  In fact I still struggle with that at times.  But it seems that by distrusting my parents, and by not dealing with that like I should have, I have completely damaged my ability to trust Ady.  He may have hurt me, he may have done damage to our relationship, but no one else on Earth has been there for me more completely every step of the way.  Even after our divorce, he was and is there for me. 

What about my parents?  Sure they messed up, but no one is perfect and I am sure they did the very best they knew how.  I know that they love me and that they would do whatever they could to make me happy.  Now there are people that it was harder to forgive, whose walls it was harder to take down.  But even then; if I want to move on,  if I want to have a life worth living, I have to overcome those memories.  That’s what they are memories.  It is not the present, and it is definitely not the future.  It’s those memories that cause us the most pain.  They are so hard to let go of, that most of the time we just give in to them and let the cycle perpetuate.  When those memories try to overtake me and I feel myself slipping into old patterns, I have a bible verse that I quote in my head and out loud.  It is 1 Corinthians 10:13:

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way of escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” 

To me that verse says it all.  There is nothing that I could go through, nothing that will come against me, that someone hasn’t experienced before.  How precious is that thought.  Also, God is faithful,  in fact there are numerous times the Bible reminds us of that very fact. We must always remember the times he has helped us through. If we can’t trust anyone else, the bible tells us we can trust in the one true God.  If he tells us to trust someone, we better believe he is right.  If he tells us to run, we need to believe that too. God will always make a way out, he will always be there to help us through.  He will never leave us alone in a trial.  All he asks is that we let him take the pain and heartache we so often feel and turn it around. 

It is never easy to let go of past hurts and painful memories.  But when we hold on to them, it only festers and causes more pain and anger.  Pain and anger usually give way to bitterness. When we are bitter and angry we hurt no one but ourselves. We must let go, it is the only way for us to move on.  It doesn’t happen overnight, we don’t wake up one day and just feel better.  It is a lifelong process, a decision we must make every day of our lives sometimes  more than once a day. 

Self-doubt is another one of those emotions that will fester.  It is a feeling that you can never, I repeat NEVER trust.  It builds as we are constantly battered down by those same painful memories that make us angry.  The same ones that constantly tell us we are not good enough, smart enough, or that it is our fault.  It is the trump card that the Enemy likes to play.  When nothing else can get us down, we better know that self-doubt is always lurking in the shadows.  We can never doubt the skills and talents that God has given us, or what he has shown us to do with them.  If we do not step out and trust that God will catch us, we will never know how good it could have been.

In closing, I just want to encourage all of you to let go of the pain, let the One who will never let you down take the heartache.  Let Him have the memories that keep you awake at night.  Trust that his plan for you is good, and most of all, learn to trust, yourself and others.  It is something you will spend your whole life learning, but it is worth it in the end. 

Love always,

Kelli 

Nashville...

Whew.... 

It has been a while.  When last I posted, I was living with my Mom and Gram.  Now, I am with my Ady again, and we have moved from our small town in Arkansas to Nashville TN.  It was such a big decision to make.  Neither of us have ever been more than a couple hours away from family and all that we hold dear to us.  It kinda all happened very fast and let me just say, I am so very proud of him.  He is doing this to go to school, he wants to better himself and start a career.  Anyone who knows him knows what a big step that was.  He has come so far since we met.  Even farther than anyone knows.  

We are making our apartment our home, exploring Nashville and trying to meet new people.  It's not as easy as you might expect, especially for two loners!!!!  We have explored the Parthenon, which by the way, is not a good place to be if you have balance issues!  Beautiful as it was, I really couldn't enjoy it for tripping and almost falling numerous times.  But it was beautiful, inside and out.  Here is a photo of the outside.

We also caught a blues show at BB Kings Blues Club.  The Boy Wonder Blues Band was playing. They are awesome by the way!  The guitarist is all 15 years old.  Here is a link if you want to check them out. 

http://www.boywonderbluesband.com/Home_Page.php

  

Here is a photo of some of the art on their wall... I have had so much fun sightseeing and wandering my way around this great city!  Sometimes I still can't believe we did it, because it just does not seem real.  All in all it has been good and I will leave you with some photos of our journey so far....

 These two photos were taken at a shopping center.  Ady wanted pictures of the guitars and a nice woman walking by offered to take a picture of us. 

This one is the pyramid as you cross the bridge into Memphis... 

And last, but not least is my favorite, some grafitti done by the son of the great Townes Van Sant!  Isn't that cool?

I guess that concludes our little game of catch-up, I am going to try to get on here regularly from now on.  Gotta have a little something to occupy my free time!!!!!

America.....

I want to start by saying I am not very political, at all.  I know my beliefs, I know what I stand for and I'm not afraid to share them, but I do not believe in bullying or pressuring those who believe differently than I do.  I stand for God, liberty, and America, but this great Nation is under attack.  Not only by man, but by the very enemy of our souls.  He would like nothing more than to take this great nation and all it stood for and strip it bare until there was no resemblance to what it once was.

I am not shy in my belief that this great nation I am blessed to call home needs to return to God.  Now a lot of you may say that America was founded on religious freedom, and you would be right.  However, the thing you are forgetting is that they were fleeing to what would become America to worship God.  That's right, they believed so strongly that they set out for this new uncharted world.

I believe that if America has any hope, it is in God.  Just look to the Old Testament for example.  Time and again it shows us every time the Israelite people lost sight of God or turned their backs on God they suffered. There was famine, war, strife, and captivity and it was almost always caused by unbelief.  They refused to give God the respect and honor he deserved.  To concerned with self, they listened to the enemy instead of remembering the promises and commandments.  God is one of free will, he will not force someone or a nation to serve him.  We shouldn't either, however we shouldn't let others just push us over.  We should be able to stand firm in our beliefs while being pliable enough to listen and respect others.  Even if they don't respect us.

This nation needs God.  He blessed us for a very long time, then we much like OT Israel became too concerned with self and lost sight of God.  We took him out of our schools and courthouses and why?  So we wouldn't offend anyone?  How about the people who offend us?  It seems that now Christians are supposed to "stand still look pretty".  We are consistently abused, and stripped of our rights.  We aren't allowed to do that, but they are???  How is that even fair?  No it seems that Christians are never going to get "fair".  Just look at early Christianity, how they were persecuted.  They still stood firm in their beliefs and even died for them.  How long are we going to sit back and watch as they strip us of our rights and slowly set our beloved America at odds with God?  How long are we going to let ourselves be abused and often ridiculed for our beliefs?  It's time we stood up for God and put him back where he belongs!  In the drivers seat!

It is this simple, if we do not return to God as a country, we are going to continue to suffer.  We don't need a Democrat or Republican, the time for politics is over.  This is a cry to all believers to hit their knees and pray for God to move in a mighty way, pray for his leadership and wisdom to guide this election, and pray that he protects us and America as a whole....

Love is all you need....

So, it's been awhile since I posted, and even longer since I felt inspired.  It's sad to say, but my life has been less than inspiring lately.  I got down and wallowed in it for a while but now things are changing.  Someone recently asked me if I had ever thought about writing down my testimony and to tell you the truth, it has always seemed a little daunting.  I mean, how do you put into words what God has done for you and what pain he has brought you through. I don't even feel worthy to be here at all, everything I am is because of God's grace.  So for those of you who don't know, here goes.

I have known and loved the Lord from an early age, but looking back I know I didn't recognize his hands in my life.  My early life was not pretty, I have physical and emotional scars that have taken a long time to heal.  But through all the turmoil and abuse, my God was there.  He was there and I didn't know it.  I came to personally know the Lord at 9 years old, I was baptized and forgiven, but I had yet to forgive.  I went through those years with my Dad with hate.  Hate for the Mother who abandoned me, hate for the ex step-father who couldn't keep his hands off of me, hate for the Father who didn't know any other way of communication but yelling and violence.  I had plenty to go around and blamed everyone else for my problems but myself.  Little did I know that the Lord had a plan.  I spent my high school years trying to get the best grades and get myself out of that house.  When I finally did I found out just how unprepared I was.  I sulked back home with my tail between my legs.  The issues that I had never worked through finally broke to the surface as I did everything I could to rebel against the God I thought had forgotten about me.  I didn't manage my money at all, even worse I ran from guy to guy seeking the love I never got at home.  Eventually I ended up in Arkansas with my Mom and let's just say it wasn't easy at first.  We had issues we had never worked through and the walls I built to keep them buried started cracking.  Eventually I met and married a wonderful man, but we weren't ready for what lay ahead of us.  It was an uphill climb from the start.  I quickly realized that I knew nothing about the man I had promised my life to.  People always say that marriage is hard, they neglect to tell you just how hard.  I was prepared for hard, this was almost unbearable.  Sure we had good times, but more often than not, we were fighting.  He will be quick to say that the biggest problems were his, but that would be a lie.  My unresolved issues with ex Step-dad and Dad quickly snowballed into me not being able to trust or commit myself fully to our marriage.  We were living apart in 2009, I was going up there on the weekends, but for all intents and purposes, we were separated.  I wouldn't find this out until later, but he was going to file for divorce that next week.  I had just gotten to the house after driving all day, we had eaten and retired for the evening when I had the worst headache of my life.  I quickly became numb completely on my right side and my speech was starting to slur.  My husband quickly called 911 and his parents.  The aneurysm I never knew I had burst, causing a stroke.  I woke up a few weeks later with no other thought than for my husband.  I knew from the moment I came to that he and I were meant to be.  I also had a complete faith in God that had been absent before.  I cannot explain it any other way.  I realized how lucky I was and how God had been there all along.  That's not to say it has all been easy since I woke up.  I had to relearn everything, my husband and I divorced, I had to have a tubal because of the aneurysm.  But I have found a way to praise God for everything, and to see the bright side.  My husband and I are working things out and there are so many children that need homes.  There were and still are days when all I want to do is cry, but God is amazing and has led me to find peace in little victories.  Like when I first climbed up and down steps even though I was afraid, or when I got up in front of the church to sing although I was scared to death.

I guess if I had anything to say it would be this, don't ever think that there is nothing good for you, there is.  Don't ever believe that you cannot accomplish something, you can.  Never doubt yourself, you are amazing.  And to young girls and women, never settle for anything less than what God promises you.  You may come from a broken home or horrible background, but if God can make something beautiful from the mess I was he can do the same for you.  He loves you and I do too.  It will be alright, God is always there just waiting for you to ask for his help.  He has a plan, you were meant for greatness.

And as for all the hate and anger, It is amazing what God can do with it if you let him..  The enemy will to everything he can to keep you mired down in hate, but it doesn't do anything for you.  It doesn't accomplish anything good at all, love does.  Love is all that matters in the end.....

As humans, we come into this world wrecked, flawed and incomplete.  We are lacking something and we know it.  We were originally created to be holy, but something happened.  We fell, Adam and Eve were convinced that God did not know all, that they could do better.  Therefore we will never be what God intended for us to be until he returns.  On that glorious day we will be transformed into what we were meant to be.  Until then we have to learn to navigate this cruel world the way God would want us to. 


We always seem to get sidetracked.  We all seem to have a case of spiritual ADD.  We are always looking for the next big thing, what the world tells us will make us happy and complete.  The truth is only God can fulfill that need in us and only He can accomplish His great work in us.  Anything else is just a pitiful excuse.   


He formed us with a desire.  He made us to crave that is only met by him.  There is nothing in this world that will fulfill it but God.  At some point in everyone's life we are presented with a choice, come to Jesus and follow him or continue to try and make on our own.  It is sad but most of us will choose the latter, thinking that we can do it on our own.  We continue in our own selfish, self-destructing ways spiraling down farther towards the enlightenment that always seems to escape us.  When we turn from that and turn to Christ as our savior and accept what he did for us on the cross, we begin the process that takes us to what God intended us to be.  We are unable to attain such perfection on earth and we definitely cannot do it ourselves, but once we are saved we begin to see our destructive natures for what they are and begin to desire a change.  That is when Gods' Holy Spirit begins to move in us, we start to yearn for Him and what He can do in our lives. 


Once God moved in my life, I no longer desired what moved me before.  All I wanted was his will for my life.  Yet still in my sinful nature, I thought I knew what God would want for my life.  I was still listening to the worlds' view.  The world views God through human eyes, we cannot understand his ways.  Psalm 46:10 says:


" Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." 


We must learn to listen for God.  His voice isn't always a roar, many times it is a whisper.  It also does not always come when we want it to, that is where patience comes in.  We live in a world that values speediness and instant gratification.  The God we serve does not move that way, He moves on his timetable, not ours.  He will move when everything is in place, not a moment before.  He will often wait for us to yield to his will before he moves in a situation, other times he has plans that supersede ours.  In those instances we must learn through prayer and study that Gods' will is always better than ours, and it will be done.  We must change our thoughts and actions to be more like His and less like the worlds....

Beauty for ashes....

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:1-2


These verses mean so much to me.  I love them dearly.  They explain beautifully what we are called to do.  Just because we live on this earth, we do not have to bow to it or its dark prince.  The Bible states very clearly in many places that we are supposed to live like Christ.  He is to be our example.  Even though we can never be perfect, we have the opportunity to let the Holy Spirit renew, remake, and remodel our minds.  Listen closely to that.  Re means again, it indicates repetition.  Essentially meaning we, through Gods' spirit are able to make our minds new again!  That means that no matter who you are or what you have done, you have a chance at freedom in Christ.  You cannot do it yourself, but if you trust in God and put forth the effort, you will have something beautiful.  Isaiah called it beauty for ashes and that is a fitting description.  That is really all we are able to bring to God.  All the scraps of humanity and good deeds we do look like ashes next to the Holiness of God.  But then a miracle happened, God found beauty in those ashes.  Not because of anything we did or could do, but because of who he is.  Thats why he sent his Son, God made flesh, to walk this world and experience it.  He wants to grant us beauty, wholeness, and forgiveness.  It is free for us to recieve and there is nothing we can do to earn it.  It is by grace and faith that we recieve it.  When we begin to be renewed, all the other stuff that is so difficult for us comes.  Not immediately but gradually, as we invite Him into our lives daily and present our bodies a living sacrifice.  It is hard and we are going to stumble, but its at those times that we look up and see our redeemer waiting, with his outstreched hands.....

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."  Isaiah 61:3

How will they know?

"How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed?  And how shall the believe in him of whom they have not heard?  And how will they hear without a preacher?"  Romans 10:4

Will they see it in our actions?  Will they hear it in our speech?  Is our day to day life reflecting our fater, or do our mirrors need adjusting?

The people of the world need to see the word of God reflected in us.  How else will they be able to tell we are God's children?  It won't matter if we talk the talk if we can't or won't back it up with our daily lives.  Do the people that are closest to you know that you serve the Living God?  Will the stranger that you don't even realize that you are witnessing to be able to see Christ in your words?  Has it gotten boring, do you think that it doesn't matter or are you just afraid?  If you can't find the inspiration, I guarantee you are looking in the wrong place.  Our God is never dull or boring!!!  And your actions and attitudes always matter to him.....

Changes

Oh, its been a while since I posted.  I have been just really wrapped up in myself and issues....  My divorce is final now and I have been dealing with that.  Also I have also had to make a very important life decision.  I had an aneurysm back in 2009, and it was caused by some weak vessels in my brain.  Since then they have found that there is a minor spot forming in my brain again.  My neurologist already was telling me not to have children and so now I really do not think this is a good idea.  And that is the tough part. I want children.  I have always wanted to raise a child of my own.  Now that dream is out of my reach.  I have been praying a lot about it and my Dr. and I have been talking about it also.  This morning our pastor spoke on Hebrews 12, it really resonated with me and I felt God speaking to me.  I now feel that the option that my Dr. and I spoke about is the best option.  I feel that there are so many children out there that need good homes.  There is no need for sadness in my decision to have a tubal on my part.  I feel that even if I do not have children that I birthed myself, I will impact a child or possibly some children's lives.  I feel that God is capable of anything.  He can accomplish anything that he chooses, according to his perfect will.  For now I will do as Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14

  "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are beforeI press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus"

You see God can bring you through any adversity, but it has to be on his terms.  That is what I am striving for, completing his perfect will for my life.  That means I may have to give up on things happening the way I dreamed they would and pray for him to perfect his work in me....

Its not just about you..... Break the cycle!

We often don't realize how what we do, think, or speak affects other people.  Not just the people in our lives now, but future generations.  We won't see how our feelings will influence our future children and grandchildren.  Chaos breeds chaos.  If you grow up in in chaos, you will probably put yourself in chaotic situations.  Stop and think about that for a minute, have you ever wondered why you gravitate toward certain behaviors?  You probably grew up seeing those behaviors, it's what you know.  If your not careful, you will perpetuate the cycle in your own family.  I know, because my life was chaotic from the start.  I never really knew anything else.  How do we let our children grow up in those situations?  Its not fair to let them see our petty arguments, hear cursing, or see violence.  They deserve better than that.  But its not just our children and grandchildren that are affected, Their children and grandchildren will suffer the consequences.  I really believe that things like that are passed down.  Just like the color of your eyes or the crook in your smile, your anger, hatred and intolerance are passed down too.  What they hear you say or see you do is very important at a young age.  How much is nature and how much is nurture I don't know, but I do know that it is a problem.  We are feeding our children bad attitudes and indirectly serving their children bitterness.  The bible says in James 3 talks about the tongue.

"Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things.  Behold how great things a little fire kindleth!"  James 3:5

You can see that the tongue is important.  It is a small part of the body, but it is essential to everyday life.  We need to think about what we say, how we say it, and more importantly, what our actions are saying to the people around us.  Especially what they are saying to the little ones watching us.   

Writers Block...

I have been trying to come up with something to write for a while, but I am experiencing a writers block of sorts.  I have so many things I want to say.  I want to encourage, lift up and send love to the hurt and grieving.  There are no words though.  It is a very powerful weekend, we lost our loved ones and we lost our security. We lost that sense of safety that we as Americans feel we are entitled to.  I still have no words to express my feelings of that day.  I remember where I was. I was at school, still reeling from the loss of life that happened a little closer to home just a day before.  There are many people who were closer to Danielle than I was but the shock of it still sends me reeling.  Already raw, a community was left to deal with all the painful emotions that came with September 11th.  It never seems fair, to lose a life, but the loss of so many lives on one day stripped us of innocense and safety.  It left us vunerable and angry.  More so for us in my tiny hometown.  We were already greiving a loss when it happened and I don't know which one affected me more.  I still don't have the words to write a blog.  All of my personal stuff keeps getting in the way, but I am working through it. 

Something that came to mind.....

This is something that came to my mind recently and I felt I needed to share it....

Once again I find myself surrounded by bars of my own making. Once again, I sit and watch as fear, gives way to sin. It's the same old story too weak on my own.

But with you, all things are made new and yes I have hope, he died on Calvary. And I know there's nothing I can do to earn your love and trust. No it's not by me lord, it's through you.

I can never live the perfect life, but through you Lord, I have the faith to try. And with you Lord no fear can overtake me, yeah I’ll scale all the mountains just to reach the valleys for a single glimpse of you.

Because with you all things are made new, yes I have hope, and he died on Calvary. Yes I know there is nothing that I can do to earn your love and trust. It's not by me Lord, it's through you.

Oh, you give me beauty, where once only stood ashes. And you, you dry the tears. I feel safe wrapped in your arms. It's a safety, I've never known.

Because with you, all things are made new, yes I have hope, and he died on Calvary. And I know there is nothing I can do to earn your love and trust.
No, it's not by me Lord, it's through you....

It's through you.

Kelli martin
June 23, 2011

Separation...

Gotta say, this is not my finest hour. I am sad and lonely. I wish I did not know that the choices I am making are the right ones. I would give just about any of my worldly possessions to be back at home with my husband at this moment. But, this cannot be. This is the path that I feel the Lord calling me down. I am not saying that we will be apart forever (Lord I hope not), but at this moment I feel that he is never going to change if I keep ignoring the problem (let's face it, I have run from the problem). My husband is my world, my number two priority behind God, but we each have issues, which in turn have punctured holes in the lungs of our marriage. The hardest thing I ever had to do was give him back his ring, separate our finances and walk away. He did not choose to walk away, I did. It got to hard play the role of supporting wife when your husband can't be supportive back. You can only be hurt so many times before God expects you to change your circumstances. It was a hard choice. I believe we can work it out, I expect us to work it out. God is in control though not me so I need to seek his will for our marriage and not my own. Do you know how tiring it is to keep rowing against the current? All you end up doing is wearing yourself out!!! Before long you just feel like giving up. I still love my husband, and I always will. I have learned that you have to have that agape love. The love that is not selfish. That is not to say you must disregard yourself in the process. It is a trust you form with your heavenly Father that says, Lord right now I don't feel like doing this. I don't feel like loving him right now Lord, but I want your love to flow through me and splash out. We are unable to love like that, but God makes it possible. He makes all things possible. He will give you strength and shelter.

Lord, I love you and I humbly ask you to pour your love out in me so that I may love others the way you would have me to. I ask you to show me any area of my life I am withholding from you and help me to give it to you. Guide my words and help me grow in you daily. In Jesus holy name

Amen.

Whatever you are going through, whoever has hurt you, The One who feeds the sparrows will also take care of you. He will give you all you need for that day. In the wilderness God gave the Israelites just enough manna for that day, no more no less. He wanted them to depend on him not themselves. It is only through that attitude that we will not only survive, but thrive. If you are in a tough spot, don't be afraid to depend on your Lord and Savior Jesus. He will get you through. Maybe not the way you foresaw it, but when you get through, you will see how his plan for you unfolded.

trust....

Trust is a funny thing. It is something that is hard to give, but easy to take back. Who's to say what can push someone to rescind their trust. I have always had trust issues, most would say I had good reason, and until recently I would have agreed with them. You see, I did not have the ideal upbringing that we all grow up thinking is normal, at an early age I learned about loss and pain. I know all to well what it is like to have a parent lie to you, abandon you, and hurt you in some of the most personal ways. But that is what life is. You are the sum total of your life experiences, and you can either choose God's way or you can choose to carry that around with you. That's what I did for a very long time. I carried that pain, anger and shame for years; well into adulthood. I made some bad choices too, because of the rejection that I felt. I even had anger at God. Then I met my husband. No, it hasn't been the best marriage that it could have been, but the blame rests on both of our shoulders. I am learning how to trust, and I have God to thank. I was angry at God for many years, but that really got me nowhere fast. It took some wonderfully Godly people to break through to me. I love them dearly and they know who they are. I now see that you cannot fully trust anyone until you trust God with all you are and all you have; because until then, your trust is conditional. After you let God start his work in your life your trust will gradually start to shift. He loves you and wants to make you whole. Learning that lesson set me free. Learning that his love was unconditional and not based on my behavior or works was even more freeing. I want everyone to experience that freedom. Yes I am still working on my trust issues, but that is what life is, an exercise in trust.........

Future women......

I recently read a blog, and it made me think. I will leave the link to it at the end so that each of you can check it out for yourself. Basically the lady was asking what great advice do you wish you had known in your 20’s. It really hit a nerve because all the comments are things I wish I had known early in my 20’s also. I wonder why we aren’t passing on these sage bits of wisdom? Come on really, these things are important to every generation, and we should start passing them on early. Girls should come out of the womb knowing how wanted, special and wonderful they are to us and they are wonderful to God. Girls shouldn’t go into those critical teenage years with a bad feeling about themselves, they shouldn’t feel they have to have sex to get love, and they should never be beat up (mentally or physically) by other girls. We should love them, cherish them, and teach them. They should know that they are wonderful creatures created for greatness. I know that I wish I had known that I don’t have to measure myself by the girls around me. I should have known that Love and sex are not the same thing, nor does one expect the other; but I wasn’t told these things. And now we are letting the current generation go into adulthood with the same misconstrued ideas that we grew up believing. Why? Are we incapable of telling these girls what they need to hear?

Feeling like an outcast should never feel normal. We are called upon to make sure the future generations know what is good and what is not normal. Continuously I see girl after girl telling their story, always the same thing; bullying, cutting, drugs, suicide attempts, and sex. Satan is leading an attack on our girls and we are letting him. Girls are impressionable, and those of us who have been victimized are weak. Sure we try to mask it, but if we don’t let God put the broken pieces back together, we are still broken. We can do better than what we are now. A woman entering her twenties should know that she is loved. By God and by us. She should know that it will be hard, but God will be with her every step of the way. We should make sure each girl knows that walking in step with God and seeking him and his will is the only way to escape the darkness that can swallow one whole. And even if she feels like she has already gone too far, I wish that she could know that God can give you the light you need for the step you are on right now. Then as you step farther he will give you the light you need then.

God is ever present. He knows what is troubling you, what’s more, he cares about what's troubling you. Keep your head up, the sun is shining up ahead, it won’t always be this hard and when you look back you will see the why. Seeking God’s righteousness even when you don’t want to or don’t think you can is paramount above all else. Those are some of the things I wish I had known. How far will we let our future women go without knowing what we wish we had known?

http://www.sheseeks.org/2011/its-no-secret/

I feel lost....

It has been quite a long time since I blogged. Let's just say that I have had some personal trials to go through. I was prepared to get on here and gripe and complain, but I realize that even with all that is going on in my family, I still have it quite good. My heart goes out to all the storm, wind, tornado, and now flood victims. some of these people have lost all their possessions, others have lost their lives or lives of their family and friends. I just pray that they may find comfort in Jesus at this difficult time.

Dear precious Lord,

I know that you work all things together for our good. we may never understand what is going on, but I pray for peace and comfort to fill the hearts of everyone affected. For those of us who escaped relatively unscathed I pray that you would fill our hearts with compassion and love. I am so thankful for all you have blessed me with, I love you dearly. Pick me up when I have lost sight of what you have planned for me. Guide my hands and heart. You are more gracious than we will ever know. Lord, show me the ways I can help, give me your eyes, help me stand on your solid foundation in this time of uncertainty. You alone are the one true God, you are the only one who can make sense of this. You are the only one who knows the whys to the answers we seek. Help me to walk in love, knowing the risk and taking it any way. Trusting you to catch me if I stumble. Lord, help me to be careful not to rebuild the stumbling blocks that you helped me remove. Forgive my many sins and shortcomings. Forgive my doubts. Stand with my family through all our trials that we face. In Jesus name,

Amen.

I just felt the need to include that. I need that closeness with God again. I feel it slipping away, I know that I moved not God. It is tough in this world to hold on to God when there are so many distractions. I feel all of us have a little ADD sometimes. We can be so easily turned away from the goal set before us. We must not turn to the left or right. I pray that we will all pray for God to guard our hearts, minds and souls.

Keep safe until next time.......

Soul Starvers........

I have been thinking a lot lately about women in general. It is a sad situation when we as women are willing to starve our souls to be what society considers normal, sexy, or beautiful. We have forgotten that what is on the inside is what counts, what matters. We are more than willing usually to give up a piece of our soul to fit in. What does that say about us? We should celebrate our differences rather than strive to be just like everyone else. In our strive to be normal we have lost our uniqueness and have become just like every other girl. We have confused skinny with healthy. Healthy is not just how you look, it is evident in everything you do. How you carry yourself, what foods you eat (or do not eat), how you treat others, your mental state. Healthy is not in how you look, how much you weigh, what you wear, or what you own.

I think that if you are unhappy with your body now, if you do not go about changing it in the right way, you are going to be just as unhappy when you get to your perfect size. It has taken a long time to figure this out, but I am happier now at size 18 than I ever was at size 8 or 10. I had to accept my body for what it is, and let go of what it will never be. We struggle to fit into societies little boxes of what we should be. Why? God made each and every one of us different. From the hairs on your head to the tips of your painted toenails, you are unique! Celebrate it, do not fight it. Let's quit starving our souls and start feeding them.

Patience.....

"Therefore being justified by faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope; and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly." Romans 5:1-6

These words give me hope for today and every day that I live until Christs return. I mean if God was willing to send his son to die for me when I was a lost, dying sinner; how much more will he do for me as his child? Satan will try to convince you that God doesn't care, or that it is to hard; but know that the love of God is there on the good days and on the days that we mess up. He doesn't turn his back just because we make a mistake. If we come to him and repent when we realize that we have sinned, he is faithful to forgive us.

Know that God loves you even if he has sent you a storm. Look at the storm as a chance to walk on the water with Him. As the verses state above, storms work patience. Patience is a tool that we all run short on. It is a handy tool though and we should all work to make ourselves more patient. Most times we get tired in our storms, and Satan will not get tired. He will pound the waves upon you until you give up. Thats where patience comes in. If we are patient, God provides a way out, His way out (and His ways are always easier and more fruitful than ours.)

Patience works experience. When we get through the storm with our sanity and patience, we have experience. We all have stories of trials and heartache. You know the old saying "Hindsight is 20/20"; well hindsight is a wonderful tool, it is just never around when you need it. This is where patience comes in. You cannot have hindsight if we do not go through storms. We cannot counsel the friend with a broken marriage or the teenage girl thinking of giving herself away if we do not have experience. Sure we may have words of wisdom, but people want to know that they are not alone, that someone has been there. So don't give up, the Son's coming up in the morning!

Experience breeds hope. If you have ever been through hard times you may have a hard time with this one. I understand it now, but it took awhile. When you are in the storm, it all looks cloudy and dark; but just around the corner is a breakthrough. Some people get stuck, some people turn around, don't be one of them. If you get stuck, you will always be in the same spot. Reliving the same nightmare is never fun. If you turn around, you will eventually have to go back through what you avoided. But, when you see that ray of Son peeking through, there is a tiny sliver of hope. Nurture that hope. It will grow into love.

Not just any love mind you, God's love. God's love does what ours cannot, it suceeds. You cannot love a drug addict or alchoholic on your own. Eventually your patience (theres that word again) will run short. If you have God's love however you will never get tired or impatient. He is always refreshing you if you ask. I know from personal experience that a spouse is sometimes the hardest to love. Try letting God's love flow through you and into them. You will be surprised at what you can do and who you can love with God in your heart.

I love you all and you are consistantly in my prayers. May God bless each and everyone of you. He will supply your every need. He will get you through your personal storm. Trust in Him.

 

It's been awhile........

The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. Exodus 14:14


So, my husband and I recently got a puppy. She is a five pound terror of a Chocolate Lab that we absolutely adore. We are putting her in a crate at night to sleep and she usually sleeps until about three in the morning. Then she starts whining, crying and howling. It breaks my heart and I always want to go release her and bring her to our bed.  I don't though because it is something she has to learn.  I realized that we are a lot like Ellie Mae in that God will try to corral us to teach us something and we struggle against him the whole way. As she was making her noise, I thought the same thought I am sure God thinks from time to time with us; If you will just wait and rest Ellie, morning is just a few hours away. I believe that sometimes we are put in an hard, harrowing position by God himself. Mostly to teach us something we don't already know or to reinforce something we are supposed to know. When that time comes we can either be like Ellie and fight or we can do what God put us there to do lean on him and pray for guidance.
My thoughts are short and sweet this week, but nevertheless they ring true. God only disciplines us because he loves us. Remember that this week. Until next time.........

Vigilance....

We must be vigilant, in all things we must keep watch. That way we will be prepared for Jesus' return. For when he returns we should want to be ready. We are to be a holy people set apart by God. People should know that we are Christians. They should see it in every aspect of our lives. Our actions, speech, dress, all things should reflect godliness.


We can never be perfect. If that were possible, Jesus would not have had to die. Think about it. Do you think God would have sent his son if there was and easier way? There was no other way. We are sinners yet God loves us so much that even though we chose (through sin) to be separated from him, he gave up his only son. Let the gravity of that sink in for a moment. Would you be able to sacrifice part of yourself, your child, for people who chose to separate themselves from you. I just want to shout Gods holy name from the rooftops!!!! I am, we are so blessed!!

We need to realize our need for him. We must prepare ourselves for him. I for one want to be ready. You know that old adage; don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Examine your life, come to terms with what needs changing. If you don't know God, find him. It is not a complicated procedure. No high priest has to be there. Its just a simple acknowledgement of your sin and what Jesus died to accomplish for you (yes you, not just a collective us. He died for YOU!!!!) Hit your knees, pray for salvation. For those of us that are saved, realize that perfection in this life is not attainable. We should strive for it, but know that we are going to fall short. Everybody does. That does not however, excuse bad behavior. If we know it is wrong and do it anyway, we have no excuses. We will have to answer for every single choice; every single action will one day be judged. Try to examine your choices. Think them over, pray about them. If it does not seem God blessed, don't do it. Don't tempt God. He will humble you just to prove that very point.

Have a blessed night everyone. Feel free to comment below.