Its not just about you..... Break the cycle!

We often don't realize how what we do, think, or speak affects other people.  Not just the people in our lives now, but future generations.  We won't see how our feelings will influence our future children and grandchildren.  Chaos breeds chaos.  If you grow up in in chaos, you will probably put yourself in chaotic situations.  Stop and think about that for a minute, have you ever wondered why you gravitate toward certain behaviors?  You probably grew up seeing those behaviors, it's what you know.  If your not careful, you will perpetuate the cycle in your own family.  I know, because my life was chaotic from the start.  I never really knew anything else.  How do we let our children grow up in those situations?  Its not fair to let them see our petty arguments, hear cursing, or see violence.  They deserve better than that.  But its not just our children and grandchildren that are affected, Their children and grandchildren will suffer the consequences.  I really believe that things like that are passed down.  Just like the color of your eyes or the crook in your smile, your anger, hatred and intolerance are passed down too.  What they hear you say or see you do is very important at a young age.  How much is nature and how much is nurture I don't know, but I do know that it is a problem.  We are feeding our children bad attitudes and indirectly serving their children bitterness.  The bible says in James 3 talks about the tongue.

"Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things.  Behold how great things a little fire kindleth!"  James 3:5

You can see that the tongue is important.  It is a small part of the body, but it is essential to everyday life.  We need to think about what we say, how we say it, and more importantly, what our actions are saying to the people around us.  Especially what they are saying to the little ones watching us.   

Writers Block...

I have been trying to come up with something to write for a while, but I am experiencing a writers block of sorts.  I have so many things I want to say.  I want to encourage, lift up and send love to the hurt and grieving.  There are no words though.  It is a very powerful weekend, we lost our loved ones and we lost our security. We lost that sense of safety that we as Americans feel we are entitled to.  I still have no words to express my feelings of that day.  I remember where I was. I was at school, still reeling from the loss of life that happened a little closer to home just a day before.  There are many people who were closer to Danielle than I was but the shock of it still sends me reeling.  Already raw, a community was left to deal with all the painful emotions that came with September 11th.  It never seems fair, to lose a life, but the loss of so many lives on one day stripped us of innocense and safety.  It left us vunerable and angry.  More so for us in my tiny hometown.  We were already greiving a loss when it happened and I don't know which one affected me more.  I still don't have the words to write a blog.  All of my personal stuff keeps getting in the way, but I am working through it. 

Something that came to mind.....

This is something that came to my mind recently and I felt I needed to share it....

Once again I find myself surrounded by bars of my own making. Once again, I sit and watch as fear, gives way to sin. It's the same old story too weak on my own.

But with you, all things are made new and yes I have hope, he died on Calvary. And I know there's nothing I can do to earn your love and trust. No it's not by me lord, it's through you.

I can never live the perfect life, but through you Lord, I have the faith to try. And with you Lord no fear can overtake me, yeah I’ll scale all the mountains just to reach the valleys for a single glimpse of you.

Because with you all things are made new, yes I have hope, and he died on Calvary. Yes I know there is nothing that I can do to earn your love and trust. It's not by me Lord, it's through you.

Oh, you give me beauty, where once only stood ashes. And you, you dry the tears. I feel safe wrapped in your arms. It's a safety, I've never known.

Because with you, all things are made new, yes I have hope, and he died on Calvary. And I know there is nothing I can do to earn your love and trust.
No, it's not by me Lord, it's through you....

It's through you.

Kelli martin
June 23, 2011

Separation...

Gotta say, this is not my finest hour. I am sad and lonely. I wish I did not know that the choices I am making are the right ones. I would give just about any of my worldly possessions to be back at home with my husband at this moment. But, this cannot be. This is the path that I feel the Lord calling me down. I am not saying that we will be apart forever (Lord I hope not), but at this moment I feel that he is never going to change if I keep ignoring the problem (let's face it, I have run from the problem). My husband is my world, my number two priority behind God, but we each have issues, which in turn have punctured holes in the lungs of our marriage. The hardest thing I ever had to do was give him back his ring, separate our finances and walk away. He did not choose to walk away, I did. It got to hard play the role of supporting wife when your husband can't be supportive back. You can only be hurt so many times before God expects you to change your circumstances. It was a hard choice. I believe we can work it out, I expect us to work it out. God is in control though not me so I need to seek his will for our marriage and not my own. Do you know how tiring it is to keep rowing against the current? All you end up doing is wearing yourself out!!! Before long you just feel like giving up. I still love my husband, and I always will. I have learned that you have to have that agape love. The love that is not selfish. That is not to say you must disregard yourself in the process. It is a trust you form with your heavenly Father that says, Lord right now I don't feel like doing this. I don't feel like loving him right now Lord, but I want your love to flow through me and splash out. We are unable to love like that, but God makes it possible. He makes all things possible. He will give you strength and shelter.

Lord, I love you and I humbly ask you to pour your love out in me so that I may love others the way you would have me to. I ask you to show me any area of my life I am withholding from you and help me to give it to you. Guide my words and help me grow in you daily. In Jesus holy name

Amen.

Whatever you are going through, whoever has hurt you, The One who feeds the sparrows will also take care of you. He will give you all you need for that day. In the wilderness God gave the Israelites just enough manna for that day, no more no less. He wanted them to depend on him not themselves. It is only through that attitude that we will not only survive, but thrive. If you are in a tough spot, don't be afraid to depend on your Lord and Savior Jesus. He will get you through. Maybe not the way you foresaw it, but when you get through, you will see how his plan for you unfolded.

trust....

Trust is a funny thing. It is something that is hard to give, but easy to take back. Who's to say what can push someone to rescind their trust. I have always had trust issues, most would say I had good reason, and until recently I would have agreed with them. You see, I did not have the ideal upbringing that we all grow up thinking is normal, at an early age I learned about loss and pain. I know all to well what it is like to have a parent lie to you, abandon you, and hurt you in some of the most personal ways. But that is what life is. You are the sum total of your life experiences, and you can either choose God's way or you can choose to carry that around with you. That's what I did for a very long time. I carried that pain, anger and shame for years; well into adulthood. I made some bad choices too, because of the rejection that I felt. I even had anger at God. Then I met my husband. No, it hasn't been the best marriage that it could have been, but the blame rests on both of our shoulders. I am learning how to trust, and I have God to thank. I was angry at God for many years, but that really got me nowhere fast. It took some wonderfully Godly people to break through to me. I love them dearly and they know who they are. I now see that you cannot fully trust anyone until you trust God with all you are and all you have; because until then, your trust is conditional. After you let God start his work in your life your trust will gradually start to shift. He loves you and wants to make you whole. Learning that lesson set me free. Learning that his love was unconditional and not based on my behavior or works was even more freeing. I want everyone to experience that freedom. Yes I am still working on my trust issues, but that is what life is, an exercise in trust.........

Future women......

I recently read a blog, and it made me think. I will leave the link to it at the end so that each of you can check it out for yourself. Basically the lady was asking what great advice do you wish you had known in your 20’s. It really hit a nerve because all the comments are things I wish I had known early in my 20’s also. I wonder why we aren’t passing on these sage bits of wisdom? Come on really, these things are important to every generation, and we should start passing them on early. Girls should come out of the womb knowing how wanted, special and wonderful they are to us and they are wonderful to God. Girls shouldn’t go into those critical teenage years with a bad feeling about themselves, they shouldn’t feel they have to have sex to get love, and they should never be beat up (mentally or physically) by other girls. We should love them, cherish them, and teach them. They should know that they are wonderful creatures created for greatness. I know that I wish I had known that I don’t have to measure myself by the girls around me. I should have known that Love and sex are not the same thing, nor does one expect the other; but I wasn’t told these things. And now we are letting the current generation go into adulthood with the same misconstrued ideas that we grew up believing. Why? Are we incapable of telling these girls what they need to hear?

Feeling like an outcast should never feel normal. We are called upon to make sure the future generations know what is good and what is not normal. Continuously I see girl after girl telling their story, always the same thing; bullying, cutting, drugs, suicide attempts, and sex. Satan is leading an attack on our girls and we are letting him. Girls are impressionable, and those of us who have been victimized are weak. Sure we try to mask it, but if we don’t let God put the broken pieces back together, we are still broken. We can do better than what we are now. A woman entering her twenties should know that she is loved. By God and by us. She should know that it will be hard, but God will be with her every step of the way. We should make sure each girl knows that walking in step with God and seeking him and his will is the only way to escape the darkness that can swallow one whole. And even if she feels like she has already gone too far, I wish that she could know that God can give you the light you need for the step you are on right now. Then as you step farther he will give you the light you need then.

God is ever present. He knows what is troubling you, what’s more, he cares about what's troubling you. Keep your head up, the sun is shining up ahead, it won’t always be this hard and when you look back you will see the why. Seeking God’s righteousness even when you don’t want to or don’t think you can is paramount above all else. Those are some of the things I wish I had known. How far will we let our future women go without knowing what we wish we had known?

http://www.sheseeks.org/2011/its-no-secret/

I feel lost....

It has been quite a long time since I blogged. Let's just say that I have had some personal trials to go through. I was prepared to get on here and gripe and complain, but I realize that even with all that is going on in my family, I still have it quite good. My heart goes out to all the storm, wind, tornado, and now flood victims. some of these people have lost all their possessions, others have lost their lives or lives of their family and friends. I just pray that they may find comfort in Jesus at this difficult time.

Dear precious Lord,

I know that you work all things together for our good. we may never understand what is going on, but I pray for peace and comfort to fill the hearts of everyone affected. For those of us who escaped relatively unscathed I pray that you would fill our hearts with compassion and love. I am so thankful for all you have blessed me with, I love you dearly. Pick me up when I have lost sight of what you have planned for me. Guide my hands and heart. You are more gracious than we will ever know. Lord, show me the ways I can help, give me your eyes, help me stand on your solid foundation in this time of uncertainty. You alone are the one true God, you are the only one who can make sense of this. You are the only one who knows the whys to the answers we seek. Help me to walk in love, knowing the risk and taking it any way. Trusting you to catch me if I stumble. Lord, help me to be careful not to rebuild the stumbling blocks that you helped me remove. Forgive my many sins and shortcomings. Forgive my doubts. Stand with my family through all our trials that we face. In Jesus name,

Amen.

I just felt the need to include that. I need that closeness with God again. I feel it slipping away, I know that I moved not God. It is tough in this world to hold on to God when there are so many distractions. I feel all of us have a little ADD sometimes. We can be so easily turned away from the goal set before us. We must not turn to the left or right. I pray that we will all pray for God to guard our hearts, minds and souls.

Keep safe until next time.......