Changes

Oh, its been a while since I posted.  I have been just really wrapped up in myself and issues....  My divorce is final now and I have been dealing with that.  Also I have also had to make a very important life decision.  I had an aneurysm back in 2009, and it was caused by some weak vessels in my brain.  Since then they have found that there is a minor spot forming in my brain again.  My neurologist already was telling me not to have children and so now I really do not think this is a good idea.  And that is the tough part. I want children.  I have always wanted to raise a child of my own.  Now that dream is out of my reach.  I have been praying a lot about it and my Dr. and I have been talking about it also.  This morning our pastor spoke on Hebrews 12, it really resonated with me and I felt God speaking to me.  I now feel that the option that my Dr. and I spoke about is the best option.  I feel that there are so many children out there that need good homes.  There is no need for sadness in my decision to have a tubal on my part.  I feel that even if I do not have children that I birthed myself, I will impact a child or possibly some children's lives.  I feel that God is capable of anything.  He can accomplish anything that he chooses, according to his perfect will.  For now I will do as Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14

  "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are beforeI press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus"

You see God can bring you through any adversity, but it has to be on his terms.  That is what I am striving for, completing his perfect will for my life.  That means I may have to give up on things happening the way I dreamed they would and pray for him to perfect his work in me....