As humans, we come into this world wrecked, flawed and incomplete.  We are lacking something and we know it.  We were originally created to be holy, but something happened.  We fell, Adam and Eve were convinced that God did not know all, that they could do better.  Therefore we will never be what God intended for us to be until he returns.  On that glorious day we will be transformed into what we were meant to be.  Until then we have to learn to navigate this cruel world the way God would want us to. 


We always seem to get sidetracked.  We all seem to have a case of spiritual ADD.  We are always looking for the next big thing, what the world tells us will make us happy and complete.  The truth is only God can fulfill that need in us and only He can accomplish His great work in us.  Anything else is just a pitiful excuse.   


He formed us with a desire.  He made us to crave that is only met by him.  There is nothing in this world that will fulfill it but God.  At some point in everyone's life we are presented with a choice, come to Jesus and follow him or continue to try and make on our own.  It is sad but most of us will choose the latter, thinking that we can do it on our own.  We continue in our own selfish, self-destructing ways spiraling down farther towards the enlightenment that always seems to escape us.  When we turn from that and turn to Christ as our savior and accept what he did for us on the cross, we begin the process that takes us to what God intended us to be.  We are unable to attain such perfection on earth and we definitely cannot do it ourselves, but once we are saved we begin to see our destructive natures for what they are and begin to desire a change.  That is when Gods' Holy Spirit begins to move in us, we start to yearn for Him and what He can do in our lives. 


Once God moved in my life, I no longer desired what moved me before.  All I wanted was his will for my life.  Yet still in my sinful nature, I thought I knew what God would want for my life.  I was still listening to the worlds' view.  The world views God through human eyes, we cannot understand his ways.  Psalm 46:10 says:


" Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." 


We must learn to listen for God.  His voice isn't always a roar, many times it is a whisper.  It also does not always come when we want it to, that is where patience comes in.  We live in a world that values speediness and instant gratification.  The God we serve does not move that way, He moves on his timetable, not ours.  He will move when everything is in place, not a moment before.  He will often wait for us to yield to his will before he moves in a situation, other times he has plans that supersede ours.  In those instances we must learn through prayer and study that Gods' will is always better than ours, and it will be done.  We must change our thoughts and actions to be more like His and less like the worlds....

Beauty for ashes....

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:1-2


These verses mean so much to me.  I love them dearly.  They explain beautifully what we are called to do.  Just because we live on this earth, we do not have to bow to it or its dark prince.  The Bible states very clearly in many places that we are supposed to live like Christ.  He is to be our example.  Even though we can never be perfect, we have the opportunity to let the Holy Spirit renew, remake, and remodel our minds.  Listen closely to that.  Re means again, it indicates repetition.  Essentially meaning we, through Gods' spirit are able to make our minds new again!  That means that no matter who you are or what you have done, you have a chance at freedom in Christ.  You cannot do it yourself, but if you trust in God and put forth the effort, you will have something beautiful.  Isaiah called it beauty for ashes and that is a fitting description.  That is really all we are able to bring to God.  All the scraps of humanity and good deeds we do look like ashes next to the Holiness of God.  But then a miracle happened, God found beauty in those ashes.  Not because of anything we did or could do, but because of who he is.  Thats why he sent his Son, God made flesh, to walk this world and experience it.  He wants to grant us beauty, wholeness, and forgiveness.  It is free for us to recieve and there is nothing we can do to earn it.  It is by grace and faith that we recieve it.  When we begin to be renewed, all the other stuff that is so difficult for us comes.  Not immediately but gradually, as we invite Him into our lives daily and present our bodies a living sacrifice.  It is hard and we are going to stumble, but its at those times that we look up and see our redeemer waiting, with his outstreched hands.....

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."  Isaiah 61:3

How will they know?

"How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed?  And how shall the believe in him of whom they have not heard?  And how will they hear without a preacher?"  Romans 10:4

Will they see it in our actions?  Will they hear it in our speech?  Is our day to day life reflecting our fater, or do our mirrors need adjusting?

The people of the world need to see the word of God reflected in us.  How else will they be able to tell we are God's children?  It won't matter if we talk the talk if we can't or won't back it up with our daily lives.  Do the people that are closest to you know that you serve the Living God?  Will the stranger that you don't even realize that you are witnessing to be able to see Christ in your words?  Has it gotten boring, do you think that it doesn't matter or are you just afraid?  If you can't find the inspiration, I guarantee you are looking in the wrong place.  Our God is never dull or boring!!!  And your actions and attitudes always matter to him.....

Changes

Oh, its been a while since I posted.  I have been just really wrapped up in myself and issues....  My divorce is final now and I have been dealing with that.  Also I have also had to make a very important life decision.  I had an aneurysm back in 2009, and it was caused by some weak vessels in my brain.  Since then they have found that there is a minor spot forming in my brain again.  My neurologist already was telling me not to have children and so now I really do not think this is a good idea.  And that is the tough part. I want children.  I have always wanted to raise a child of my own.  Now that dream is out of my reach.  I have been praying a lot about it and my Dr. and I have been talking about it also.  This morning our pastor spoke on Hebrews 12, it really resonated with me and I felt God speaking to me.  I now feel that the option that my Dr. and I spoke about is the best option.  I feel that there are so many children out there that need good homes.  There is no need for sadness in my decision to have a tubal on my part.  I feel that even if I do not have children that I birthed myself, I will impact a child or possibly some children's lives.  I feel that God is capable of anything.  He can accomplish anything that he chooses, according to his perfect will.  For now I will do as Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14

  "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are beforeI press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus"

You see God can bring you through any adversity, but it has to be on his terms.  That is what I am striving for, completing his perfect will for my life.  That means I may have to give up on things happening the way I dreamed they would and pray for him to perfect his work in me....

Its not just about you..... Break the cycle!

We often don't realize how what we do, think, or speak affects other people.  Not just the people in our lives now, but future generations.  We won't see how our feelings will influence our future children and grandchildren.  Chaos breeds chaos.  If you grow up in in chaos, you will probably put yourself in chaotic situations.  Stop and think about that for a minute, have you ever wondered why you gravitate toward certain behaviors?  You probably grew up seeing those behaviors, it's what you know.  If your not careful, you will perpetuate the cycle in your own family.  I know, because my life was chaotic from the start.  I never really knew anything else.  How do we let our children grow up in those situations?  Its not fair to let them see our petty arguments, hear cursing, or see violence.  They deserve better than that.  But its not just our children and grandchildren that are affected, Their children and grandchildren will suffer the consequences.  I really believe that things like that are passed down.  Just like the color of your eyes or the crook in your smile, your anger, hatred and intolerance are passed down too.  What they hear you say or see you do is very important at a young age.  How much is nature and how much is nurture I don't know, but I do know that it is a problem.  We are feeding our children bad attitudes and indirectly serving their children bitterness.  The bible says in James 3 talks about the tongue.

"Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things.  Behold how great things a little fire kindleth!"  James 3:5

You can see that the tongue is important.  It is a small part of the body, but it is essential to everyday life.  We need to think about what we say, how we say it, and more importantly, what our actions are saying to the people around us.  Especially what they are saying to the little ones watching us.   

Writers Block...

I have been trying to come up with something to write for a while, but I am experiencing a writers block of sorts.  I have so many things I want to say.  I want to encourage, lift up and send love to the hurt and grieving.  There are no words though.  It is a very powerful weekend, we lost our loved ones and we lost our security. We lost that sense of safety that we as Americans feel we are entitled to.  I still have no words to express my feelings of that day.  I remember where I was. I was at school, still reeling from the loss of life that happened a little closer to home just a day before.  There are many people who were closer to Danielle than I was but the shock of it still sends me reeling.  Already raw, a community was left to deal with all the painful emotions that came with September 11th.  It never seems fair, to lose a life, but the loss of so many lives on one day stripped us of innocense and safety.  It left us vunerable and angry.  More so for us in my tiny hometown.  We were already greiving a loss when it happened and I don't know which one affected me more.  I still don't have the words to write a blog.  All of my personal stuff keeps getting in the way, but I am working through it. 

Something that came to mind.....

This is something that came to my mind recently and I felt I needed to share it....

Once again I find myself surrounded by bars of my own making. Once again, I sit and watch as fear, gives way to sin. It's the same old story too weak on my own.

But with you, all things are made new and yes I have hope, he died on Calvary. And I know there's nothing I can do to earn your love and trust. No it's not by me lord, it's through you.

I can never live the perfect life, but through you Lord, I have the faith to try. And with you Lord no fear can overtake me, yeah I’ll scale all the mountains just to reach the valleys for a single glimpse of you.

Because with you all things are made new, yes I have hope, and he died on Calvary. Yes I know there is nothing that I can do to earn your love and trust. It's not by me Lord, it's through you.

Oh, you give me beauty, where once only stood ashes. And you, you dry the tears. I feel safe wrapped in your arms. It's a safety, I've never known.

Because with you, all things are made new, yes I have hope, and he died on Calvary. And I know there is nothing I can do to earn your love and trust.
No, it's not by me Lord, it's through you....

It's through you.

Kelli martin
June 23, 2011

Separation...

Gotta say, this is not my finest hour. I am sad and lonely. I wish I did not know that the choices I am making are the right ones. I would give just about any of my worldly possessions to be back at home with my husband at this moment. But, this cannot be. This is the path that I feel the Lord calling me down. I am not saying that we will be apart forever (Lord I hope not), but at this moment I feel that he is never going to change if I keep ignoring the problem (let's face it, I have run from the problem). My husband is my world, my number two priority behind God, but we each have issues, which in turn have punctured holes in the lungs of our marriage. The hardest thing I ever had to do was give him back his ring, separate our finances and walk away. He did not choose to walk away, I did. It got to hard play the role of supporting wife when your husband can't be supportive back. You can only be hurt so many times before God expects you to change your circumstances. It was a hard choice. I believe we can work it out, I expect us to work it out. God is in control though not me so I need to seek his will for our marriage and not my own. Do you know how tiring it is to keep rowing against the current? All you end up doing is wearing yourself out!!! Before long you just feel like giving up. I still love my husband, and I always will. I have learned that you have to have that agape love. The love that is not selfish. That is not to say you must disregard yourself in the process. It is a trust you form with your heavenly Father that says, Lord right now I don't feel like doing this. I don't feel like loving him right now Lord, but I want your love to flow through me and splash out. We are unable to love like that, but God makes it possible. He makes all things possible. He will give you strength and shelter.

Lord, I love you and I humbly ask you to pour your love out in me so that I may love others the way you would have me to. I ask you to show me any area of my life I am withholding from you and help me to give it to you. Guide my words and help me grow in you daily. In Jesus holy name

Amen.

Whatever you are going through, whoever has hurt you, The One who feeds the sparrows will also take care of you. He will give you all you need for that day. In the wilderness God gave the Israelites just enough manna for that day, no more no less. He wanted them to depend on him not themselves. It is only through that attitude that we will not only survive, but thrive. If you are in a tough spot, don't be afraid to depend on your Lord and Savior Jesus. He will get you through. Maybe not the way you foresaw it, but when you get through, you will see how his plan for you unfolded.

trust....

Trust is a funny thing. It is something that is hard to give, but easy to take back. Who's to say what can push someone to rescind their trust. I have always had trust issues, most would say I had good reason, and until recently I would have agreed with them. You see, I did not have the ideal upbringing that we all grow up thinking is normal, at an early age I learned about loss and pain. I know all to well what it is like to have a parent lie to you, abandon you, and hurt you in some of the most personal ways. But that is what life is. You are the sum total of your life experiences, and you can either choose God's way or you can choose to carry that around with you. That's what I did for a very long time. I carried that pain, anger and shame for years; well into adulthood. I made some bad choices too, because of the rejection that I felt. I even had anger at God. Then I met my husband. No, it hasn't been the best marriage that it could have been, but the blame rests on both of our shoulders. I am learning how to trust, and I have God to thank. I was angry at God for many years, but that really got me nowhere fast. It took some wonderfully Godly people to break through to me. I love them dearly and they know who they are. I now see that you cannot fully trust anyone until you trust God with all you are and all you have; because until then, your trust is conditional. After you let God start his work in your life your trust will gradually start to shift. He loves you and wants to make you whole. Learning that lesson set me free. Learning that his love was unconditional and not based on my behavior or works was even more freeing. I want everyone to experience that freedom. Yes I am still working on my trust issues, but that is what life is, an exercise in trust.........

Future women......

I recently read a blog, and it made me think. I will leave the link to it at the end so that each of you can check it out for yourself. Basically the lady was asking what great advice do you wish you had known in your 20’s. It really hit a nerve because all the comments are things I wish I had known early in my 20’s also. I wonder why we aren’t passing on these sage bits of wisdom? Come on really, these things are important to every generation, and we should start passing them on early. Girls should come out of the womb knowing how wanted, special and wonderful they are to us and they are wonderful to God. Girls shouldn’t go into those critical teenage years with a bad feeling about themselves, they shouldn’t feel they have to have sex to get love, and they should never be beat up (mentally or physically) by other girls. We should love them, cherish them, and teach them. They should know that they are wonderful creatures created for greatness. I know that I wish I had known that I don’t have to measure myself by the girls around me. I should have known that Love and sex are not the same thing, nor does one expect the other; but I wasn’t told these things. And now we are letting the current generation go into adulthood with the same misconstrued ideas that we grew up believing. Why? Are we incapable of telling these girls what they need to hear?

Feeling like an outcast should never feel normal. We are called upon to make sure the future generations know what is good and what is not normal. Continuously I see girl after girl telling their story, always the same thing; bullying, cutting, drugs, suicide attempts, and sex. Satan is leading an attack on our girls and we are letting him. Girls are impressionable, and those of us who have been victimized are weak. Sure we try to mask it, but if we don’t let God put the broken pieces back together, we are still broken. We can do better than what we are now. A woman entering her twenties should know that she is loved. By God and by us. She should know that it will be hard, but God will be with her every step of the way. We should make sure each girl knows that walking in step with God and seeking him and his will is the only way to escape the darkness that can swallow one whole. And even if she feels like she has already gone too far, I wish that she could know that God can give you the light you need for the step you are on right now. Then as you step farther he will give you the light you need then.

God is ever present. He knows what is troubling you, what’s more, he cares about what's troubling you. Keep your head up, the sun is shining up ahead, it won’t always be this hard and when you look back you will see the why. Seeking God’s righteousness even when you don’t want to or don’t think you can is paramount above all else. Those are some of the things I wish I had known. How far will we let our future women go without knowing what we wish we had known?

http://www.sheseeks.org/2011/its-no-secret/

I feel lost....

It has been quite a long time since I blogged. Let's just say that I have had some personal trials to go through. I was prepared to get on here and gripe and complain, but I realize that even with all that is going on in my family, I still have it quite good. My heart goes out to all the storm, wind, tornado, and now flood victims. some of these people have lost all their possessions, others have lost their lives or lives of their family and friends. I just pray that they may find comfort in Jesus at this difficult time.

Dear precious Lord,

I know that you work all things together for our good. we may never understand what is going on, but I pray for peace and comfort to fill the hearts of everyone affected. For those of us who escaped relatively unscathed I pray that you would fill our hearts with compassion and love. I am so thankful for all you have blessed me with, I love you dearly. Pick me up when I have lost sight of what you have planned for me. Guide my hands and heart. You are more gracious than we will ever know. Lord, show me the ways I can help, give me your eyes, help me stand on your solid foundation in this time of uncertainty. You alone are the one true God, you are the only one who can make sense of this. You are the only one who knows the whys to the answers we seek. Help me to walk in love, knowing the risk and taking it any way. Trusting you to catch me if I stumble. Lord, help me to be careful not to rebuild the stumbling blocks that you helped me remove. Forgive my many sins and shortcomings. Forgive my doubts. Stand with my family through all our trials that we face. In Jesus name,

Amen.

I just felt the need to include that. I need that closeness with God again. I feel it slipping away, I know that I moved not God. It is tough in this world to hold on to God when there are so many distractions. I feel all of us have a little ADD sometimes. We can be so easily turned away from the goal set before us. We must not turn to the left or right. I pray that we will all pray for God to guard our hearts, minds and souls.

Keep safe until next time.......

Soul Starvers........

I have been thinking a lot lately about women in general. It is a sad situation when we as women are willing to starve our souls to be what society considers normal, sexy, or beautiful. We have forgotten that what is on the inside is what counts, what matters. We are more than willing usually to give up a piece of our soul to fit in. What does that say about us? We should celebrate our differences rather than strive to be just like everyone else. In our strive to be normal we have lost our uniqueness and have become just like every other girl. We have confused skinny with healthy. Healthy is not just how you look, it is evident in everything you do. How you carry yourself, what foods you eat (or do not eat), how you treat others, your mental state. Healthy is not in how you look, how much you weigh, what you wear, or what you own.

I think that if you are unhappy with your body now, if you do not go about changing it in the right way, you are going to be just as unhappy when you get to your perfect size. It has taken a long time to figure this out, but I am happier now at size 18 than I ever was at size 8 or 10. I had to accept my body for what it is, and let go of what it will never be. We struggle to fit into societies little boxes of what we should be. Why? God made each and every one of us different. From the hairs on your head to the tips of your painted toenails, you are unique! Celebrate it, do not fight it. Let's quit starving our souls and start feeding them.

Patience.....

"Therefore being justified by faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope; and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly." Romans 5:1-6

These words give me hope for today and every day that I live until Christs return. I mean if God was willing to send his son to die for me when I was a lost, dying sinner; how much more will he do for me as his child? Satan will try to convince you that God doesn't care, or that it is to hard; but know that the love of God is there on the good days and on the days that we mess up. He doesn't turn his back just because we make a mistake. If we come to him and repent when we realize that we have sinned, he is faithful to forgive us.

Know that God loves you even if he has sent you a storm. Look at the storm as a chance to walk on the water with Him. As the verses state above, storms work patience. Patience is a tool that we all run short on. It is a handy tool though and we should all work to make ourselves more patient. Most times we get tired in our storms, and Satan will not get tired. He will pound the waves upon you until you give up. Thats where patience comes in. If we are patient, God provides a way out, His way out (and His ways are always easier and more fruitful than ours.)

Patience works experience. When we get through the storm with our sanity and patience, we have experience. We all have stories of trials and heartache. You know the old saying "Hindsight is 20/20"; well hindsight is a wonderful tool, it is just never around when you need it. This is where patience comes in. You cannot have hindsight if we do not go through storms. We cannot counsel the friend with a broken marriage or the teenage girl thinking of giving herself away if we do not have experience. Sure we may have words of wisdom, but people want to know that they are not alone, that someone has been there. So don't give up, the Son's coming up in the morning!

Experience breeds hope. If you have ever been through hard times you may have a hard time with this one. I understand it now, but it took awhile. When you are in the storm, it all looks cloudy and dark; but just around the corner is a breakthrough. Some people get stuck, some people turn around, don't be one of them. If you get stuck, you will always be in the same spot. Reliving the same nightmare is never fun. If you turn around, you will eventually have to go back through what you avoided. But, when you see that ray of Son peeking through, there is a tiny sliver of hope. Nurture that hope. It will grow into love.

Not just any love mind you, God's love. God's love does what ours cannot, it suceeds. You cannot love a drug addict or alchoholic on your own. Eventually your patience (theres that word again) will run short. If you have God's love however you will never get tired or impatient. He is always refreshing you if you ask. I know from personal experience that a spouse is sometimes the hardest to love. Try letting God's love flow through you and into them. You will be surprised at what you can do and who you can love with God in your heart.

I love you all and you are consistantly in my prayers. May God bless each and everyone of you. He will supply your every need. He will get you through your personal storm. Trust in Him.

 

It's been awhile........

The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. Exodus 14:14


So, my husband and I recently got a puppy. She is a five pound terror of a Chocolate Lab that we absolutely adore. We are putting her in a crate at night to sleep and she usually sleeps until about three in the morning. Then she starts whining, crying and howling. It breaks my heart and I always want to go release her and bring her to our bed.  I don't though because it is something she has to learn.  I realized that we are a lot like Ellie Mae in that God will try to corral us to teach us something and we struggle against him the whole way. As she was making her noise, I thought the same thought I am sure God thinks from time to time with us; If you will just wait and rest Ellie, morning is just a few hours away. I believe that sometimes we are put in an hard, harrowing position by God himself. Mostly to teach us something we don't already know or to reinforce something we are supposed to know. When that time comes we can either be like Ellie and fight or we can do what God put us there to do lean on him and pray for guidance.
My thoughts are short and sweet this week, but nevertheless they ring true. God only disciplines us because he loves us. Remember that this week. Until next time.........

Vigilance....

We must be vigilant, in all things we must keep watch. That way we will be prepared for Jesus' return. For when he returns we should want to be ready. We are to be a holy people set apart by God. People should know that we are Christians. They should see it in every aspect of our lives. Our actions, speech, dress, all things should reflect godliness.


We can never be perfect. If that were possible, Jesus would not have had to die. Think about it. Do you think God would have sent his son if there was and easier way? There was no other way. We are sinners yet God loves us so much that even though we chose (through sin) to be separated from him, he gave up his only son. Let the gravity of that sink in for a moment. Would you be able to sacrifice part of yourself, your child, for people who chose to separate themselves from you. I just want to shout Gods holy name from the rooftops!!!! I am, we are so blessed!!

We need to realize our need for him. We must prepare ourselves for him. I for one want to be ready. You know that old adage; don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Examine your life, come to terms with what needs changing. If you don't know God, find him. It is not a complicated procedure. No high priest has to be there. Its just a simple acknowledgement of your sin and what Jesus died to accomplish for you (yes you, not just a collective us. He died for YOU!!!!) Hit your knees, pray for salvation. For those of us that are saved, realize that perfection in this life is not attainable. We should strive for it, but know that we are going to fall short. Everybody does. That does not however, excuse bad behavior. If we know it is wrong and do it anyway, we have no excuses. We will have to answer for every single choice; every single action will one day be judged. Try to examine your choices. Think them over, pray about them. If it does not seem God blessed, don't do it. Don't tempt God. He will humble you just to prove that very point.

Have a blessed night everyone. Feel free to comment below.

Lent.....

"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."  Phillipians 3:13-14

These verses have been weighing heavily on my mind.  I guess it is because really and truly, that is what we should do.  The past is just that the past.  It  is gone, we cannot get it back.  God says he casts all our sins away and they are forgotten.  Why then can we not do the same?  If we ask God's forgiveness and bring our sins and doubts to him, we are to let it go.  We are to leave them there.  God loves us, he does not want us looking back on our journey.  He sent his Son to pay the ultimate price so that we did not have to.  We should be reaching, straining as Beth Moore said, toward  the Father.   You cannot strain toward God if you are looking behind you.  That is what satan wants from us.  He wants us to be so consumed with guilt and shame that we cannot move forward from our past.  He wants us to be tangled up in the knots of sin that Jesus died to untangle us from.  

With Lent season upon us we should keep that in the forefront of our minds.  We should be preparing for Jesus' return not fretting over what we have or have not done.  There is still time to change.  God is still God, he can still work wonders and miracles if you let him.  There is still time to let go of sin and unforgiveness and cling to an unchanging hand....... 

Kindness.....

God designed us to be kind, generous, good-hearted people.  He put us here to lift people up instead of breaking them down.  We should always strive to be a blessing in this crazy world.  It's not always easy, but we have to try.  Mark 12:31 tells us to love our neighbor as we would ourselves.  That means that when we are rude to someone we are essentially saying this is how I would treat myself.  I don't think we find it very nice when someone smarts off to us, so why would we do it to someone else.  The answer I think is that we are so wrapped up in our own lives, that we don't pay attention to anything around us.  We need to slow down.  We need to do things for other people.  People who are not in our circle.  Random acts of kindness, shouldn't be random.  People should expect them. 

Galatians 5:22-23 Says that the fruit of the spirit is; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control.  Notice that fruit is singular, not plural.  You cannot pick and choose.  In order to have the fruit of the spirit you have to have them all.  Likewise, if you have kindness you are going to have all the others.  You build upon with kindness.  You tear down with rudeness.  Jesus did not come and die for us just to have us turn our backs on his word.  Our actions are just as big a witness as our words.  Sometimes they are bigger. 

We must also remember that little eyes are watching.  Our behaviors today will lead them into .  We don't often realize that, but it is true.  They see us at our best and in our most trying hours.  It is our reaction to those trials that children often remember.  We must always remember to ask ourselves if our behavior is something we want them to see or emulate. 

tomorrow

Just try and think before you do something rude.  Whether children are around or not, we are still the voice of Christianity.  We can either be kind and welcoming or we can be rude and uninviting.  Think about it.  Which one would you like?

I want to write about  a wonderful song I discovered this week.  It is not a new song, but it is powerful.  The song is "The Promise" by The Martins.  I have to say it is one of the best songs I have ever heard.  It talks about what God has promised us.  He hasn't promised us silver or gold, but he did say he would be there for us.  We often get confused and think that If we are seeking God's will everything should be sunny; that is often not the case.  We as christians (and non-christians) are going to have problems.  We are going to have trials.  There are going to be times life knocks us to our knees.  That's just how it goes.  But God is there he wants to help you.  You may think that you or your problems are too far gone but no, you never are.  God did not promise that we would not have trials; he did not promise that we would not be lonley.  He did promise to help you fight and to dry your tears. He loves us so very much and doesn't want to see any of us in pain, but on earth pain is what we have to fight.  Satan just loves to see us doubt God when we hurt.  It is just so easy to blame God instead of asking him to help you fight.  We must spend our time of need  on our knees in prayer.  Absolute submission of the problem to God is the only way to get it solved.  It may cause heartache in the meantime, but God has a plan.  He has infinite time and resources, and he can do above and beyond anything we could ever imagine.  I am going to post a link to the lyrics at the end.  Please check it out it is a wonderful song.  God is so amazing, you never know how he is going to reach you.  Just listen for that still small voice because God doesn't like to yell.  We expect him to be loud when he talks, thats just the way we are, but God often starts as a whisper.  By the time we hear him yell we have gone so far that we think we are lost indefinitly.  By the time he yells, he has been whispering for a while.  You can probably look back on your life and attest to this fact.  God is bigger than your problems.  He is bigger than your mistakes.  He loves you and will always catch you.  Just "be still and know"......

P.S.  Here is the link http://www.lyricstime.com/the-martins-the-promise-lyrics.html

Praise his name.....

Oh, hallelujah!!!!!  I love Jesus so very much!!!  I don't really know what I would do or where I would be without the Lord on my side.  This was a tough week.  I was sick first of all, but I let that affect what I ate, how I behaved and whether I went to church.  But, my Jesus knows me and never ceases to prod me when he knows I am giving less than my best.  Ady (my husband) is doing very well.  It is so exciting to see him grow and learn.  Knowing how far he has come and seeing where he wants to be is so awesome.  I can't help but praise.  It has been a long hard road, some of it in the dark.  He struggled for a long time.  Even after we moved out on our own; we lived there for seven months and were so isolated, even though we lived in town.  It was hard seeing him shut down.  I did not want to let him down, but the selfishness was still there.  There were times that I wanted to just throw up my hands.  I wanted to run, scream, tell him how I thought he should tackle his recovery, but I knew that it had to be on his terms.  He had to do it his way, in his time.  Now look at him, he is just amazing!!!!!!  Point of Grace said it best "there's a cross to bridge the great divide!"  There is a way.  You just have to look for it, it is not always obvious or clear, but it is always there.  Prayer is amazing.  It can do awesome things, it takes on a life of it's own.  Anytime you bring something to God and leave it with him, he works it.  He will pursue you forever if you let him.  He wants the best for you.  You may have to go through some hard times, but God is not the author of pain.  This verse gets me through the hard days with Ady: 

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."  1 Corinthians 10:13

That verse is something I encourage everyone to learn and quote.  When Satan attacks you on every playing field you have to be prepared.  Look up verses.  When you know your loved one is hurting or sick pray them over your loved one.  Believe me they work.  Once when things were really bad for us, I sat in the bathroom crying, then I remembered the verses in the Old Testament  when Jacob was returning to Esau.  Jacob wrestled with the Angel of the Lord.  He told the Angel, I will not let me go unless you bless me.  I prayed that over and over.  I wasn't letting go of God until he blessed me.  I am clinging to him always...... 

Keep the Faith. 

Just an all around bad day....

Well today is a break from trying to word my next blog about Panic and anxiety.  Today is just a post to vent.  I know my life is not bad, heck it is pretty darn good.  But, today has not been an awesome day.  I have bronchitis, so the dr. prescribed a steroid and an antibotic since I have asthma.  The medicine has made me a bit mean...... It doesn't help that I am very hormonal this part of the month.  Anyway, my husband is sick, has been for longer than I have been.  We have been around each other far too much.  So I am going to my moms for a couple of days.  Don't worry, we do this all the time.  Neither of us work so we spend 24/7 with each other, if we don't get breaks, we would cause each other serious harm.  On the panic front my husband has been doing really well.  He is thinking of working with disability to go back to work.  He also started a website about panic: free-of-panic.webstarts.com.  It has lots of information and will be updated soon.  Alright, now that I have vented a bit I'm good......

Until next time!!

First Blog.....

Well, this is my first foray into the blogging world.  I love to write, but I prefer to write longhand rather than type.  I am fully relying on God for this because I feel he has called me to do this.  I have no idea what I am doing really, just putting it all out there.  Here goes.....


My husband suffers from panic attacks.  I was like a lot of you, I did not really understand at all what he was talking about.  You see, he was well when we met.  Then a few months after we met he started retreating.  I guess here is the point I tell you he also suffers from agoraphobia.  So, I would get angry because he could not take me where I wanted to go or he was not able to go to work.  All the while he was not telling me how serious it was. 

I ended up leaving, because I selfishly believed that I was right and that God should listen to me and do what I wanted when it came to my marriage.  I did not understand what was happening.  I had been hurt before in my life so instead of trying to work our problems out, I erected walls around my heart and mind.  When I prayed I prayed for God to change him, fix him, help him.  All the while wanting God to save my marriage.  I ended up having an aneurysm.  When I awoke, I knew that I wanted to be with my husband and no one else.  I also knew that the key to our marriage wasn't with God fixing him, it was with God working on me.  So the purpose of this blog is to give you suggestions, for me to vent when it gets hard and for you to ask questions.  And always, to give God the glory.  Until next time

Kelli